


How Many Licks

by DBSommer



Category: Jungle wa Itsumo Hare Nochi Guu | Haré+Guu
Genre: Adfic, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24690391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DBSommer/pseuds/DBSommer
Summary: An adfic plugging a certain lollipop. These were popular for a while given how easy they are to write





	How Many Licks

How Many Licks?

A Jungle Wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu Adfic

Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at  
[sommert@connecttime.net]

All of my fics are stored at the following:

Larry F’s new address at:  
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/d_b_sommer/index.html

And also Angcobra is now storing fics, at   
http://www.hostultra.com/~AngCobraFics/dbsommer.html

At fanfiction.net:  
http://www.fanfiction.net/

Newer works at Media Miner  
http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/

Standard Disclaimer: I own neither the rights to Tootsie Roll Pops (suckers with Tootsie rolls in the center) or Guu. 

Notes: This one is an adfic. That is, a fic done in an advertisement format.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[An announcer appears on the screen. He is a handsome man, pale-skinned and well-dressed. He holds a microphone in one hand and a Tootsie Roll Pop in the other. Behind him is a jungle.]

Announcer: (To the audience) We’ve come to the jungle to see if folks here know the answer to the age old question, ‘How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?’ Let’s ask this person here. (Walks up to a young man, about 13 years old) Excuse me, young man. Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?” (Holds out a Tootsie Pop in offering)

Waji: Licks? Hahahahahahahahahahaha! (Doubles over in hyena-like laughter for the next five minutes)

Announcer: I see. Well, why don’t we move on and ask this lady with the large knock… that is, knock up… I mean, ask her a question? (Walks up to a woman dressed in a leopard skin halter top and skirt) Excuse me, Miss?

Weda: It’s Mrs. 

Announcer: Darn. I mean, do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Weda: (Stares at the offered Tootsie Pop) Do you have any that are rum flavored?

Announcer: Ah, no.

Weda: How about whiskey flavored?

Announcer: No.

Weda: Fine, I’ll settle for a sake flavored one.

Announcer: We don’t have alcohol flavored Tootsie Pops of any kind. This is a candy. One targeted for children.

Weda: Not interested then. (Walks off)

Announcer: (Impatience in his voice) Let’s continue on. We’ll try this older gentleman with the afro on his chest. (Walks up to the man, then says to himself) Afro on his chest? Wait. Move on.

Chourou: (Spots announcer before he can escape) A visitor from the city, eh? I am mayor of our fine village. How might I help you?

Announcer: I’m conducting interviews on how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.

Chourou: While I don’t know the answer to that, I do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Pokute. Here, I’ll demonstrate. (Grabs a nearby Pokute and begins licking it. It squirms and wiggles as it tries to escape)

Announcer: (Backs away nervously) That’s all right. We’ll ask someone else. (Out of earshot) What the hell? Is this place full of nothing but a bunch of lunatics? (Bumps into a small girl with green hair.) Excuse me, young lady, but do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

Raia: (opens mouth)

Announcer: No, nevermind. Your response will probably be just as stupid as everyone else’s. (Walks off, leaving the girl to silently stare after him.)

Cameraman’s Disembodied Voice: We aren’t going to get paid if we can’t find someone to put on camera.

Announcer: Fine. We’ll give it one more shot. We’ll ask this girl. She looks photogenic. (Walks up to a pink-haired, pale, cherubic-faced little girl with bright red sparkling eyes.) And what’s your name, little girl?”

Guu: (Cheerily) Guu.

Announcer: At last! A winner! Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? (Holds it up for her to see)

Guu: I can find out. (Her features suddenly shift, all light and caring disappearing as her eyes become two narrow emotionless coals. Her tongue lashes out like a scorpion’s tail, shattering the offered Tootsie Pop into a hundred shards.) One. (She declares in a flat voice devoid of emotion)

Announcer: (Trembling) Thank you.

Guu: (With hand held up pensively to her chin) I wonder how many bites it takes to eat an annoying television announcer.

Announcer: What?

[There’s a moment of darkness accompanied by a loud gulping sound. Light returns a moment later, showing only Guu standing there]

Guu: (To the camera) The answer to that is one as well. 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

End Ad fic:

Sorry. Was just looking for something to do in the small amount of time I had. That and I like Guu. Hope you enjoyed this silly little thing.


End file.
